I have officially moved my blog!  I am now located at www.MoreSugarThanSpice.com

See you there!!

Angie

Around Christmas time, Monkey found a toy at Safeway that she fell in love with. The toy had been thrown in with some bagged candy, and clearly had seen better days. It was a red plastic Santa airplane that had a button you push to make the propellers rotate and lights came on. It was clearly broken on the bottom when we purchased it… in fact the cashier gave it to us because they didn’t even know where it came from.

A day later the lights weren’t working. A week later the dog ate the propellers off.

Monkey was heartbroken and asked about her airplane every day. Even after it was long gone the questions still came. I told her we could go to Target and she could pick out something different. We did, and when we came home, she said “this needs batteries” and clearly was disappointed with her matchbox airplane.

She continued to ask about her airplane so I told her if we ever saw one at the store she could get another one. One day she declared she wanted a pink airplane, and I told her if we saw one she could get it. Every time I went to the store, any store, I searched. No airplanes that light up and spin.

Then Easter came. As we stood in the crowded isles with the other mommies and daddies who had waited until the last minute, my eyes focused in on a brightly colored flower. Could it be? The same toy – in a flower shape. I grabbed it and pushed the button. Victory was mine! I was the best mommy out there. As I looked closer I realized the bottom had been broken off and the candy was gone. I didn’t care. I would have paid double for this toy. I showed Travis and he couldn’t believe it. I searched all of the isles for more, in hopes that I could stock up. Nothing. This lone toy was meant to go home with me.

We purchased it and gave it to her right way. I am not kidding, before we even got home the lights stopped working. Another heartbreak. I remembered her words to me… “it needs batteries”. I told her Daddy would fix it when we got home. Upon opening the panel, Travis realized the wires were all broken and it was a miracle it worked in the store.

I decided I would see if I could just order some new ones. I looked online and found the website for Candirific only to find out they sell only to distributors, with a minimum order of $500. Heartbreak sets in. To my surprise they had all of their contact information online. I sent an email of desperation to Angie – a representative at Candirific. I explained the situation and asked if I could purchase samples or anything to help with our situation.

After I sent the email, I called my mother-in-law and told her the story. My in-laws own Pioneer Plastics and often sell items to distributors, so I figured she could give me my odds of success. She didn’t provide much hope. She explained oftentimes the manufacturer is bound by contract to only sell to distributor. More heartbreak.

Easter morning was a rush, but I checked my email on the way out. I had a response from Angie. She apologized for the fact the products had disappointed Monkey and agreed to send us a box of samples! I couldn’t believe it. Her kindness overwhelmed me. She then asked for our mailing address as well as Monkeys “favorites” so she could be sure to include them.

The box arrived yesterday and I could not believe how many items she sent to us. She wrote a very sweet letter to Monkey and included her personal favorites including several we hadn’t ever seen before. Monkeys eyes were as big as saucers and it was everything we could do to get her to eat dinner that night. It is pretty hard to eat when one hand is occupied with a toy that requires the button to be pushed.

Last night she slept with her new pink airplane and I am sure her dreams were nothing but sweet.

This morning, we were 15 minutes late for our MOPS meeting because Monkey and I had a stand off over potty training. I had been prepping her all morning for a success by filling her belly with water, talking about our plan to go potty then go play with our friends, picking out a sticker, etc.

Well, 45 minutes before it was time to leave, I got her dressed and explained the game plan: We are going to finish our water, eat something, brush our teeth, go potty and leave.

Ready? BREAK!

We are running around as you could expect any mother and three year old to do when a time line is involved. Mommy got dressed. Monkey got dressed. Mommy brushed her teeth. Monkey brushed her teeth. Mommy went potty. Monkey… did not. She said she didn’t have to go. She said it’s not her fault and that she can’t.

It’s not Mommys first day on the job, so knowing that Monkey had three large glasses of water, Mommy pushed a little. “No problem. But we need to go before we leave so get ready.”

Nothing.

So, Mommy pushed a lot. “That’s fine if you don’t want to go potty. I will call your friends and their mommies and let them know we won’t be coming today. Since we cannot leave until you go potty.”

Tears.

45 minutes later we are in the car, running 15 minutes late, and Monkey didn’t go potty before we left. Needless to say she went potty as soon as we got to the church, and again when her teacher asked her to. But if there is one thing I have learned from her is no matter how much I hurry, she may need me to wait.

God is using my sister-in-law to teach this lesson to many of us in the family. She had her first OB appointment last week at which point she learned she was not ten weeks along in her pregnancy, as she had thought. She was about six weeks. Therefore our due dates are within two days of each other. Just to be sure everything was okay, they had asked her to come in for another check up at the end of the month.

On Easter she started cramping and bleeding and she found out yesterday she is going to lose the baby. I just ache for her. My heart aches not only because our wounds are still fairly fresh, but it’s more than that. I want to hurry up and deal with everything so we can all begin to heal.

I want to hurry over with a bag of cookies and milk and hold her hand until she feels better. I want to do this, because that is what I would want. But she’s not me. She’s very private and she and her husband want to do this alone. In comes the waiting part.

I am waiting for the deep sigh that comes when the storm is over and the clean up begins. I am waiting to be able to take her a meal and really see how she is doing. I am waiting for the Lord to plant enough seeds for her to see His lap is there for her to crawl into and weep if she wants to.

So right now, in all of my rush, all I can do is wait.

For the last few days I have been sick, on top of the morning sickness I have been blessed with. My head is so congested I can’t breathe through my nose and I wake up with a pounding headache almost every day.

Although I am not feeling great physically, my prayer goes out to the people who are suffering in their hearts. We have another holiday coming up, and a pretty major holiday in my opinion. And even though Easter is just around the corner, once again my family cannot seem to put their love for God above all else and celebrate His eternal life together.

We made the choice early in our marriage to forget about “dates” of holidays and focus on the time spent together. My mother works retail and often is not off on a specific holiday, therefore it is common we celebrate before or after the actual day. My mother in law is very understanding and pretty much works around whatever we ask her to, while trying to get the entire family together. My father usually doesn’t call until two days before, so we usually end up scrambling at the last minute to arrange an hour here or there with him.

Due to the timing of my head fog this year, I didn’t call around and make a bunch of plans with each “family” we celebrate with. The only person I called was my mother, and I left a message asking if she would be interested in just going to dinner one night to celebrate. I figured if there was no clean up and no pressure, she might bless us with her presence. However, when she returned my call she was clearly upset and unable to make plans. So, we accepted the invitation to my mother in laws and I am really looking forward to spending the day there. They have really been such a blessing in our lives and to our daughter, and have shown us a love that we will be forever grateful for.

As far as the family I won’t see this weekend, I pray as they attend service on Easter Sunday the image of Jesus nailed to the cross reminds them they can nail their worries right along side of him. I pray God breathes life into their hearts, and in doing so His breath blows off the negative fog that is currently surrounding their hearts… because He can see through the fog and He created you for a purpose. When we allow the fog to consume our vision, we no longer see Him as clearly as we should. His plans go to the wayside and over time will be forgotten. And that kind of congestion is tragic.

Why does it seem when you are trying to get pregnant there are pregnant women everywhere? Not just at the mall and in the grocery store, but EVERYWHERE.

My girlfriend Nina is due at the end of March and she came over a few weeks ago and I pulled out my 0-3 month bins for her to go through so she could pick and choose what she wanted. As I went through the clothes, the memories of when Brooklyn wore each outfit came flowing back. Although nostalgia was in the air, I felt very blessed to have these items to offer and knew I wouldn’t miss them a bit.

One of my favorite people from MOPS is due just a few weeks after the due date of our little angel who is now in heaven. She just found out she is having a girl, and just prior to her appointment I sent her girl baby dust, to which her husband said he sneezed it out.

Well, I was right and I couldn’t wait to start buying things for our new little princess. I went to Gymboree and bought her one of my favorite baby blankets. Her shower won’t be for a couple more months, but I couldn’t resist.

Last week we found out my sister-in-law (Sandy) is pregnant with her first child. She was married to her high school sweetheart two years ago, and the family has been waiting for this moment with baited breath. Monkey has always looked like her Aunt Sandy (who looks like Grandma) so I can’t wait to see the resemblance between the cousins.

As if that wasn’t enough of a baby boom, we found out we are about 5 weeks pregnant! The doctor confirmed everything through blood work and told us my hormone levels are right on target. We hesitated to share this news because of the history, but we decided to tell our friends and family in hopes this new little life will be lifted to the Lord in prayer. We have no reason to believe God has any other plan for this child other than perfect health, so right now we are enjoying the moment. Daddy might be enjoying it a little more than mommy, simply because I am sleeping through it, or feeling pretty sick whilst awake. I never thought I would say this, but right now I am grateful for my nausea.

My sweet sister in law has been through hell. A few short years ago, she was living what appeared to be the “American Dream” including two beautiful children, a husband who worked hard and a house they could call theirs. Their focus was God and He was pleased. However, all of that fell apart due to various things, and there are days I know she is barely hanging onto the cross by a thread.

She turned 28 on Saturday and I really wanted her to know even though we have had our disagreements, I love her to the moon and back. I took some pictures of her kids to let her know I think she is a great mom, and to remind her to stay focused on them – especially when it feels like the world is crashing down.

Travis and I had a great time focusing the camera lens on the kids at the park… we are pretty sure they are used to being in the cameras eye.

I love you Toni. Have a very happy birthday.

Travis actually took the one of their feet. I just love it so I thought I would add it here.

We are the stereotypical Italian family.

I am loud when I tell stories, and I have been known to wave my hands around like a mad woman in order to get my point across. Travis has an insatiable belly laugh that makes the entire room smile. We love fun and fellowship. We love having friends over and sharing a bottle of wine. A night playing cards something I can never get enough of. And the food! Oh the food! We love pasta, cheese, meats and all other things that taste so good on my lips, and look so horrible on my hips.

I was at my mother in laws house last weekend and she has perfected that adorable ‘pleasantly plump’ grandmother look. She has a beautiful smile and a cute high pitched voice when she gets excited and really I could just eat her up she’s so darn cute.

However, since we are a predominately female family, none of us are happy with what we have. I have two sister in laws who are below the suggested weight range and one who is above. Travis and I are both above. My mother in law is above and my father in law is below. We still have a couple of smokers in the group. The list goes on and on.

So, what do we do about it? Normally very little. However, this weekend we decided it was time. It was time to make some changes in our family and we thought a competition was the best way to kick it off. We divided into two teams (one 4 person team and one 5 person team) and each person picked a goal they would like to achieve before August. We weighed in, extinguished all cigarettes and the race is on.

This is day two of the hostage situation and I must admit I kind of like it so far. Yesterday I stayed within my recommended calorie range, as did Travis. (Which by the way does anyone else think it is grossly unfair how much more the man gets to eat!?) Today I am on track for to hit my goal again and it feels pretty good.

The winner receives $50 from each participant ($400) and if we lose 200lbs as a family we are going to grab our bathing suits for some R&R on a local lake.

So wish me luck all. August is pretty far away, and I am sure it will be a long haul. But I have to admit I feel very blessed. Blessed to have a family that is so understanding and supportive. Blessed that I am mentally prepared to dig in and lose some weight.

But most of all, I feel good about the fact that by the time August rolls around, I will have elbowed out the in-laws and I will be clothes shopping with a cool $400 in my purse… See you at the finish line!

I have been so focused on what I have been through in the last few months that I feel like I need to thank God for what I do have – instead of what I don’t.  Here’s a very small slice of a very large pie:

1. Thank God for my faith.  What He has planted inside of my heart has deep roots and blooms year round.
2. Thank God for my family.  They show me a glimpse of what God has to offer and are my heaven on Earth.
3. Thank God for my home.  It has provided shelter not only for our family, but others in their time of need.  The beautiful noise that comes from it is a reflection of the love that is felt inside.
4. Thank God for my body.  Although it may not look perfect to the outside world and it has given me some pain lately, I know it was a gift from God.  I know he gave me these eyes to see joy on Monkeys face and these ears to hear her giggle.  I know he gave my these arms to wrap around my family when they are hurting and when they are joyful.  I am grateful.
5. Thank God for providing for us.  We don’t always manage our financial blessings in the best way, but we are a work in progress and He allows us the financial freedom to make mistakes and move on.
6. Thank God for leading us to The Rock.  This church has blessed us in so many ways including the kids program, MOPS and all of the classes.  We have also been able to connect with some new brothers and sisters in Christ and feel very blessed every time we are able to get together.
7. Thank God for grace.  Both His and others.  One of my dear friends Nina showed some undue grace this past week and it has completely changed my outlook. She has inspired me to really work to be more like her.  More like Christ.
8. Thank God for my past and thank God for what He has planned.  I can’t wait to see my story unfold.
9. Thank God for prayers that are answered, and prayers that remain unanswered.  Sometimes those prayers are the ones that really show how much he cares.
10. Thank God for his only son.  As a parent myself I can’t imagine what it feels like to choose to send your child into a broken world, knowing his tragic fate.  I am broken and sinful.  Because of Gods gift of his only son, I am forgiven.  I can’t imagine anything I am more thankful for.

I challenge you all to thank God for 10 things this week.  Big or small, He doesn’t care.  If you want to share, please leave a comment.  Leave all of them, or just one thing.  We all have something to be thankful for, even in our darkest moments and this week is a time for thankfulness!

I have had about enough.

Since Monkey was born (three years ago today!) I have had my gall bladder removed, been diagnosed with hypothyroidism, suffered a summer full of migraine headaches, and had a miscarriage. In the last six months I have seen five different doctors. None of which have any answers, but all of them have that same distracted look in their eyes and the same effortless shrug in their shoulders.

Today I received a call back from my OB explaining they don’t know what is going on exactly and things should just work themselves out. He recommended waiting until next month to start trying again.

What a surprise. Another non-descript conversation ending in tears of disappointment.

At this point I am completely frustrated. It is hard for me to swallow the fact that maybe the doctors will never figure this out. I may just have to live on Advil since it is really the only thing they all agree is safe to take while trying to conceive.

I know I am crazy. I know depression runs in my family. I am well aware of the influence attitude can have on a body, but I am generally pretty happy. I like my life. I love Travis and Monkey is the reason I open my eyes every morning. For the first time in years I am becoming more and more comfortable in my own skin. So why now?

I just need a plan. I am a planner. I can deal with almost anything, but as of now there is nothing to deal with. There are “no known issues” and my “blood work looks fine”. Sure, my hormone levels are off, but they should work themselves out. No action is necessary.

In the past I have always been shocked when people blame God for the things that go wrong. I have heard countless people say ‘I don’t know what I did wrong, yet it feels like I am being punished.’ For the first time, I get that. I still don’t agree, but I get it.

For now, I am trusting in God’s plan. I am going to gather up my medical records that have been peppered all over town, and I am going to go back to the best doctor I can remember. She (of course) is not covered by our insurance. But, my insurance is changing in July and I will make sure she is covered going forward.

For now, I am thankful for my rock on Earth, my sweet husband Travis. I am thankful for my light, sweet Monkey and the joy she brings me when she doesn’t even know I am watching. I am thankful for our home and the love that keeps the entire house humming.

I am leaning on God. I am leaning in and begging for his strength. I am crying out for resolution and wellness. I don’t want Monkey to wonder why mommy doesn’t dance around the kitchen anymore and I don’t want Travis to feel he needs to desperately hang on to every fun moment we have together. I want him to feel secure that there are many more to come. And I want to feel that too. So for now, I am leaning.

I was lucky enough to spend some time photographing my sister and her boyfriend yesterday. They are celebrating their third anniversary this year, and are one of the sweetest couples I know. I just love the look of desperate adoration in the above picture.

I took about 500 pics, and had a little over 40 that I loved, so I was pretty happy with the results. I hope they had as much fun as I did!

How beautiful is she? This is what I have to compete with on Trav’s side of the family!

I love you guys! Happy Anniversary!!!