Take it Back January 28, 2008

I just read this post on my girlfriend Nina’s blog and it got me thinking.

Is there ever a way to undo the hurt inside of us? We can forgive and sometimes we even forget, but does it ever go away?

I was a victim of domestic violence before I was married, and when I think about that time in my life I do not hold anything against the abuser, nor do I remember all of the details, but I do know to this day I still feel a pit in my stomach if I see someone that looks like him. But I made the decision to take my life back, and as a result I was able to find true happiness in God, my husband and my family.

That being said, I am often tempted to google the abusers name or run a background check on him, but I usually dismiss these thoughts because I believe letting him have my focus in anyway is allowing him to have more of me than he should have ever been given.

About a year after Travis and I were married, I did look him up once. And I found out he was involved in a vehicular manslaughter in the same small town Travis and I were married, on the same day. I am sure there is a reason, and I know this mans heart, so I can honestly say he would probably want to take back the events of that day. However, because there was no reason for him to be in that town, on our day, that pretty much scared me into not wanting to know anything else.

Bull Headed January 14, 2008

Bluto often sleeps most of day long without more noise than the occasional snort, proving he might be the laziest dog I have ever met.

However, lately when he is in his kennel at night he has been whining.  We got into the habit of letting him out before we went to bed, and if we ever forgot, we would find quite the mess in the kennel in the morning.  I always found this odd, since most dogs won’t go in the kennel, but read online Bulldogs will make a mess in their kennel when they are upset with their owners.

This was also confirmed by Melody of Lobopuppies.com who indicated she has a ‘diva dog’ who will relieve herself on the floor if Melody doesn’t throw her toy as soon as it is dropped at her feet!

However, cleaning the kennel and the dog is much easier since we now own a dog that is less than 7lbs, so I was happy to do it, blaming myself for not paying attention.

However, today, Travis let Bluto out for his morning duties and put him back into his kennel after since Monkey and I were not up yet.  I came downstairs less than 30 minutes later and found a urine soaked puppy and a very smelly living room.

I got everything cleaned up, the dog fed and medicated (the last of his second prescription of giardia meds) and started my morning routine.  I fed Monkey, cleaned the kitchen and living room and pulled out the vacuum.  I let Bluto outside to do his business again, and when I let him in he immediately hid under the couch because I started vacuuming the living room and he’s a big baby.

As I walked back from putting the vacuum away, I hear Monkey say “She peed on the carpet” (Monkey thinks everyone is a ’she’).  I came around the corner and sure enough – not one, not two, but three different pee spots on the carpet!

Why?  We had a good morning, he was pampered and brushed and fed and even had a piece of cheese with his pill.  We had played and he was curled up by the fire just prior to this whole incident.

Could he be so bull headed that he was mad that I actually vacuumed even though he doesn’t like it?  If that is the case, what everyone has said is right.  My second baby is my problem child.

Re:Solutions January 2, 2008

So Christmas came and went and I have to say as I enter the new year the buzz of resolutions is all around. I definitely have a squeezable inch here and there (or two) that I can loose, but the baggage I feel I must focus on this year is the emotional baggage. Upon reflection it has occurred to me that instead of trying to make things work, I need to just let some things go.

This year my mother decided not to come over to my house on Christmas eve for the first year since Monkey was born. As I mentioned before I was hurt by that decision, but I decided before the holidays that Monkey will be my focus and it was my mothers loss. I focused on the people that want to be with us and had a really great time with Travis’ side of the family.

Monkey loves to see her step-cousins and while it is typically uncomfortable at my dads due to a lifetime of unresolved issues, I decided to suck it up and go spend Christmas eve day letting Monkey do what she wanted.

Not ten minutes after we arrived I regretted that decision. Almost immediately my father felt it was his calling to be the one to rebuild my sisters and my relationship, which has been broken more times then I care to talk about. First he tried to present the argument as if he was my ‘ally’ and just trying to understand. When that didn’t work, he tried the guilt angle. He pointed out it was Christmas (as if I would agree to this torture under any other circumstances) and that it would be his Christmas gift if I would forgive her. He also tried to tell me how ‘unchristian’ it was to act this way.

I really took time to think about this and pray about this comment, since my mother said the same thing just weeks before. After some time of prayer, I just flat disagree.

Bluto Health Update December 20, 2007

We heard back from the vet today regarding Blutos fecal exam. He has giardia and worms in addition to the other problems mentioned previously (very dry skin and possibly no testicles). The giardia and worms are the cause of the loose stools (hopefully). The good news is these are very treatable things, but the fact that they were never treated is a reflection on the poor conditions it can be assumed he was living in. The vet said it was impossible he got these things while in our care since we have only had him since Monday night.

Therefore we have paid over $100 in vet care for a dog we have had less than 72 hours (and that was after the vet gave us a free sample of the first prescribed medication)… so it begins.

Melody at lobopuppies did email me back after the prior post and indicated she has been very busy. She agreed to accept our vet records even though they were not faxed within 24 hours since we were waiting for a complete set of tests. So, that is good news.

However, as most of you know my spiritual gift of discernment is sometimes a gift, and sometimes a curse. In this case I really have started to feel as though all of the information available was not provided to us. I really want things to work out, but in my heart I still feel as though something is not right.

Big ol’ Puppy Dog Tears December 20, 2007

After we purchased Bluto, I looked online and discovered Melody’s sister is the owner of epuppypro.com She sells French and English Bulldogs and is also based in TX. I had looked at her website prior to purchasing Bluto, therefore I was not surprised to learn they were related since there are links to each others pages from their home pages. However, I was surprised to learn epuppypro.com has claims against them from unhappy customers. People commented the dogs were sick upon arrival, and one had even died, however according to the claimant, the dog was not replaced.

There was also a claim against lobopuppies.com, indicating the claimant was upset the dog was tattooed (which was a surprise for us too when he arrived) and the dog had worms and parvo. Since these are not life threatening, no guarantee was honored.

As I said pretty clearly, these are claims made online, therefore I have no way of knowing how valid the claims are, nor do I know what both sides of the story is. The owner of epuppypro.com was questioned by the local news and said she had no way of knowing the dog was sick, and the guarantee was not honored because the family did not have a vet complete the paperwork indicating the dog was sick within 72 hours, as stated in the contract.

I do know that we were surprised to see the tattoo upon arrival, as that was not disclosed to us prior to purchasing. But what is more disturbing is the vet told us yesterday he cannot feel his testicles. The vet said it could be an indication the dog is younger than listed on his paperwork, or he may not have any. Additionally, his paperwork claims he had shots at six weeks, which our vet stated is too young for shots therefore they are not effective and will need to be repeated in about a month. This is now a cost I have to incur. The dog also has loose stools, which could be a result of the changes he has gone through – or it may not be.

Prior to going to the vet, I emailed Melody at lobopuppies and requested the vet contact information (name, address, phone) in case our vet had questions. We had also been emailing about his registration, however she charges $200 to register the dog to us and stated the paperwork can take a very long time to come in. I asked her to forward me the paperwork since we are still undecided about registration and if we decide to do it, we can send in the papers and fees.

I have had no response from the email.

Calling All Actors December 11, 2007

I read a post on CafeMom that shocked me today. The woman was upset because she was walking through a parking lot with her daughter and husband when a car, driving too fast, narrowly missed hitting her daughter. The woman proceeded to yell “F—-ing slow down” at which time the driver said “F— you and your n—er husband” (racial slur). Apparently this woman was more upset about the racial comment made than the fact the woman almost hit her daughter.

I was a claims adjuster for Travelers Insurance in the auto department for about 2 years, and I was a manager for them for a couple of years after that, so believe me I have seen some of the strangest things happen involving cars and people. However, the most damaging things that happened relating to a car accidents was usually the reaction to the accident – not the accident itself. The reality of the situation is the cars are just hunks of metal and electricity. They will be repaired to their original condition and go on to other owners, other towns, and perhaps even other countries and no one will ever be able to tell the damage that has been done.

However, the people involved in the accident are not so lucky. They will most likely never forget what happened in the blink of an eye. If there are injuries, perhaps you will never walk or talk the same for the rest of your life. If someone died, it is only natural to wonder why. If you are the responsible party, most likely you will never look at your children and loved ones the same knowing that it could have been them.

Disney On Ice: The Meltdown December 9, 2007

As part of our new Christmas traditions, we decided to take Monkey to Disney’s on Ice – Princess Show. We went with my step mother, her daughter and her daughters children. We met for breakfast at IHOP and made the long drive in the snow together. Monkey had been out late the night before due to “Parents Night Out” at the church, so I was a little worried about “Grumpy” showing up for the act.

It was snowing so hard that Travis decided to drop us off at the door. My step sister jumped out the car to make sure we could bring our camera in, and we were headed inside. We took pictures with Cinderella and paid for overpriced parting gifts, then found our seats. As we were sitting down, Travis finally joined us.

When I asked him what the hold up was, he told me the people at the door wouldn’t let him bring our camera in, claiming it was against Disneys policy to bring in a camera with interchangable lenses. The idea of running the camera back out in the snow didn’t sit well with Travis, plus we had borrowed some lenses from his sister so we could try them out so he explained that we had asked prior to bringing it in and we were told it would be fine. Still, the supervisor would not budge, explaining no professional cameras were allowed in – only point and shoot per Disney. Travis explained that our camera is an entry level digital SLR, and we purchased it at Circuit City, and it simply was not a professional camera. Still the answer was no. Travis explained he was trying to do the honest thing here, and he could have hidden the camera in his coat or in my diaper bag, which they didn’t look in, if he was trying to do something against the policy. Still the answer was no. He then went on to explain there are point and shoot cameras that have better zoom and video on them, and Travis asked to see the policy and they said they could provide it to him after the show. (HUH?)

Dog Days of Fall November 19, 2007

For those of you who don’t know, about a month ago we made the tough decision to give our dog Duke back to the German Shorthaired pointer rescue. It was a very hard decision, but based on his health needs, we felt we were doing the right thing for the dog. We all made the drive down and said our goodbyes with the understanding the rescue had a relationship with the vets in the area and he would have the investigative surgery he needed.

After a lot of tough questions from Monkey about where Duke went, time went on and our hearts were starting to heal.

On Saturday I received a phone call from the new owner! I was shocked he had already been adopted out, especially after I found out they adopted him the DAY AFTER WE DROPPED HIM OFF. He asked me why we gave Duke up and when I explained he was a great dog behaviorally, however due to his health issues we could no longer care for him. Then he was shocked!! The owner of the Rocky Mountain GSP rescue had told him we were having our first baby and didn’t want to deal with the dog anymore. WHAT?! As angry as I was, I was more hurt than mad. He and I talked for about a half hour and I explained the cycle of his illness and he explained that he was already going to the bathroom about 12 times a day, which is what prompted him to call… thanks to the dog tag we had placed on Duke’s collar he was able to obtain our phone number (Thank you God!)