Taking Candy From a Baby March 28, 2008

Around Christmas time, Monkey found a toy at Safeway that she fell in love with. The toy had been thrown in with some bagged candy, and clearly had seen better days. It was a red plastic Santa airplane that had a button you push to make the propellers rotate and lights came on. It was clearly broken on the bottom when we purchased it… in fact the cashier gave it to us because they didn’t even know where it came from.

A day later the lights weren’t working. A week later the dog ate the propellers off.

Hurry Up and Wait March 25, 2008

This morning, we were 15 minutes late for our MOPS meeting because Monkey and I had a stand off over potty training. I had been prepping her all morning for a success by filling her belly with water, talking about our plan to go potty then go play with our friends, picking out a sticker, etc.

Well, 45 minutes before it was time to leave, I got her dressed and explained the game plan: We are going to finish our water, eat something, brush our teeth, go potty and leave.

Ready? BREAK!

Can’t See Through The Fog March 21, 2008

For the last few days I have been sick, on top of the morning sickness I have been blessed with. My head is so congested I can’t breathe through my nose and I wake up with a pounding headache almost every day.

Although I am not feeling great physically, my prayer goes out to the people who are suffering in their hearts. We have another holiday coming up, and a pretty major holiday in my opinion. And even though Easter is just around the corner, once again my family cannot seem to put their love for God above all else and celebrate His eternal life together.

Sneezing Baby Dust March 11, 2008

Why does it seem when you are trying to get pregnant there are pregnant women everywhere? Not just at the mall and in the grocery store, but EVERYWHERE.

My girlfriend Nina is due at the end of March and she came over a few weeks ago and I pulled out my 0-3 month bins for her to go through so she could pick and choose what she wanted. As I went through the clothes, the memories of when Brooklyn wore each outfit came flowing back. Although nostalgia was in the air, I felt very blessed to have these items to offer and knew I wouldn’t miss them a bit.

One of my favorite people from MOPS is due just a few weeks after the due date of our little angel who is now in heaven. She just found out she is having a girl, and just prior to her appointment I sent her girl baby dust, to which her husband said he sneezed it out.

Focus on the Family March 2, 2008

My sweet sister in law has been through hell. A few short years ago, she was living what appeared to be the “American Dream” including two beautiful children, a husband who worked hard and a house they could call theirs. Their focus was God and He was pleased. However, all of that fell apart due to various things, and there are days I know she is barely hanging onto the cross by a thread.

She turned 28 on Saturday and I really wanted her to know even though we have had our disagreements, I love her to the moon and back. I took some pictures of her kids to let her know I think she is a great mom, and to remind her to stay focused on them – especially when it feels like the world is crashing down.

Elbowing Out the In-Laws February 26, 2008

We are the stereotypical Italian family.

I am loud when I tell stories, and I have been known to wave my hands around like a mad woman in order to get my point across. Travis has an insatiable belly laugh that makes the entire room smile. We love fun and fellowship. We love having friends over and sharing a bottle of wine. A night playing cards something I can never get enough of. And the food! Oh the food! We love pasta, cheese, meats and all other things that taste so good on my lips, and look so horrible on my hips.

I was at my mother in laws house last weekend and she has perfected that adorable ‘pleasantly plump’ grandmother look. She has a beautiful smile and a cute high pitched voice when she gets excited and really I could just eat her up she’s so darn cute.

10 Things I am Thankful For February 18, 2008

I have been so focused on what I have been through in the last few months that I feel like I need to thank God for what I do have – instead of what I don’t.  Here’s a very small slice of a very large pie:

1. Thank God for my faith.  What He has planted inside of my heart has deep roots and blooms year round.
2. Thank God for my family.  They show me a glimpse of what God has to offer and are my heaven on Earth.
3. Thank God for my home.  It has provided shelter not only for our family, but others in their time of need.  The beautiful noise that comes from it is a reflection of the love that is felt inside.
4. Thank God for my body.  Although it may not look perfect to the outside world and it has given me some pain lately, I know it was a gift from God.  I know he gave me these eyes to see joy on Monkeys face and these ears to hear her giggle.  I know he gave my these arms to wrap around my family when they are hurting and when they are joyful.  I am grateful.
5. Thank God for providing for us.  We don’t always manage our financial blessings in the best way, but we are a work in progress and He allows us the financial freedom to make mistakes and move on.
6. Thank God for leading us to The Rock.  This church has blessed us in so many ways including the kids program, MOPS and all of the classes.  We have also been able to connect with some new brothers and sisters in Christ and feel very blessed every time we are able to get together.
7. Thank God for grace.  Both His and others.  One of my dear friends Nina showed some undue grace this past week and it has completely changed my outlook. She has inspired me to really work to be more like her.  More like Christ.
8. Thank God for my past and thank God for what He has planned.  I can’t wait to see my story unfold.
9. Thank God for prayers that are answered, and prayers that remain unanswered.  Sometimes those prayers are the ones that really show how much he cares.
10. Thank God for his only son.  As a parent myself I can’t imagine what it feels like to choose to send your child into a broken world, knowing his tragic fate.  I am broken and sinful.  Because of Gods gift of his only son, I am forgiven.  I can’t imagine anything I am more thankful for.

I challenge you all to thank God for 10 things this week.  Big or small, He doesn’t care.  If you want to share, please leave a comment.  Leave all of them, or just one thing.  We all have something to be thankful for, even in our darkest moments and this week is a time for thankfulness!

Leaning February 13, 2008

I have had about enough.

Since Monkey was born (three years ago today!) I have had my gall bladder removed, been diagnosed with hypothyroidism, suffered a summer full of migraine headaches, and had a miscarriage. In the last six months I have seen five different doctors. None of which have any answers, but all of them have that same distracted look in their eyes and the same effortless shrug in their shoulders.

Today I received a call back from my OB explaining they don’t know what is going on exactly and things should just work themselves out. He recommended waiting until next month to start trying again.

What a surprise. Another non-descript conversation ending in tears of disappointment.

At this point I am completely frustrated. It is hard for me to swallow the fact that maybe the doctors will never figure this out. I may just have to live on Advil since it is really the only thing they all agree is safe to take while trying to conceive.

My First Shoot February 11, 2008

I was lucky enough to spend some time photographing my sister and her boyfriend yesterday. They are celebrating their third anniversary this year, and are one of the sweetest couples I know. I just love the look of desperate adoration in the above picture.

I took about 500 pics, and had a little over 40 that I loved, so I was pretty happy with the results. I hope they had as much fun as I did!

Patience Is a Virtue… One I Don’t Have! February 8, 2008

I am sure most of you know by now, but for those of you who don’t let me tell you, I am a terrible waiter. I don’t like to wait for answers, I ruin surprises at Christmas, and I just really do not like the unknown. Truth be told, Monkey is more patient than I am, and she’s three (in five days)!

Of course God knows this too, so wouldn’t you know it? He’s asking me to patiently wait.

I haven’t been feeling all that well lately, and I missed my period (sorry if that’s too much info for my male readers LOL). I finally talked myself into going to the doctor yesterday. As I mentioned before I really didn’t care too much for the OB I was seeing before, but she’s covered under our insurance. I really wanted a comprehensive check, so I decided to suck it up and pay out of pocket for the OB who delivered Monkey.

I went and he explained there were several things that can cause a delay in my cycle so he wanted to do complete blood work and an ultrasound just to see what was going on. After the ultrasound it was determined my uterus has a very thick lining. This means one of two things: Either my body “stopped” somewhere along the line after my miscarriage and the lining was not shed, or we’re pregnant. He could not tell from the ultrasound because if we are pregnant, the sac and baby would not yet be visible.

If it’s the first I will need to have a D&C. I am pretty scared about this for several reasons, but I am mostly sad because this means I will have to wait even longer to try for our number two. This would also confuse me even more because I had a period in January! For those of you who didn’t pay attention in 7th grade sex ed (or you are too old to remember – like me!), a womans period is when  the lining of the uterus is shed.  He also mentioned if I just let it go, eventually the lining would close off my uterus completely and I would become infertile. Thank you God for convincing me to go to the doctor!

The tiredness could also be a sign my thyroid pills need to be adjusted. That’s never fun because the appropriate dosage is pretty much a guessing game until they get it locked in, all the while I am feeling “off”.

I am thinking this is what will happen, but still praying for a miracle. I don’t feel pregnant at all (other than how tired I am) and the urine tests came back negative. If the blood work confirms a pregnancy, I will be high risk and it is likely I will need hormone shots in order to carry to full term.

I tried to find more information on line, but there just isn’t more to find at this point. There are just too many considerations to be made in order to make a definite determination.

Everything should be back in about a week, and I will keep everyone posted, but in the mean time, God just has us waiting.